On housesitting.

There is no plausible array of products you can have in your bathroom such that a housesitter will not be put off by at least one.

On feline cognition.

H&I are catsitting two lovely Siamese cats for a few weeks this summer, and I'm fascinated by their brains. They have incredibly vivid and distinct personalities -- A is shy and B is proud, A is neurotic and B is prickly, A looks to B for guidance, A has more bursts of friendliness than B ... But not complex. Just a few character traits on display, the way babies are placid or anxious, inquisitive or content, bold or shy.

Here's the major difference: cats think they are totally aware of all the relevant factors in their situation, and even that they're pretty much in control. That's why cats are happy and babies aren't, because babies keep learning that there's more they can't understand, and keep learning how helpless they are. Breaks your heart either way, really, babies or cats, semi-conscious or delusively blissful lack of control.

Lots of adult humans have pretty clearly laid down their tents in one or the other camp, too, when it comes to that.

On retail.

1. Dear Momofuku Milk Bar cashier,

If (a) you can hear; and
(b) you can read; and
(c) a customer says "I am a vegetarian. Please tell me what has gelatin in it so I can avoid it"; and
(d) you no longer sell non-packaged food, and the packages contain ingredient lists; and
(e) that same customer asks "what is in the grasshopper pie?"; and
(f) you answer that it is "just a minty brownie"; and
(g) the customer finds, having already purchased and left, that the thing contains marshmallows and the package clearly indicates that it contains gelatin: then
C. you're not doing it right.

Sincerely,

Implacable Logic

P.S. When you were still selling unpackaged goods the cashier I spoke to could tell me what had gelatin in it.


2. Dear dried fruit guy at Sahadi's,

It is not acceptable to respond to successive requests for cashews and wasabi peas with "Ooh, nice and naughty. I like it." Nor, when the customer replies that the peas are for her husband, to respond: "You're always doing things for others. You need to do something for yourself."

It is not acceptable repeatedly to refer to a customer as "my love." Nor to give her free samples because "you need to be spoiled, my love." Nor to suggest that the dried apricots purchased will help her to win kissing contests (!). Nor to ask as she is walking away: "What's your secret?" and when she says in flusterment "uh, to what?" to continue: "Your secret to being so beautiful. You're gorgeous, you know. ... Well, whatever it is, keep up with it and stay beautiful."

None of this would have been acceptable if you had only done it once and not then reminded this customer why she'd been doing without Sahadi's exceptionally good dried fruit for months. None of it would be acceptable if you were less than twice my age. Even flirting-to-sell can be dubious. This is far beyond dubious.

Sincerely,

The Laws and Customs of Society as a Whole